could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
