I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
