Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
third nipple confirmed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
