Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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