Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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