Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
