so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
