Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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