she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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