So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
