can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize