Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
