Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
