Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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