do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
