if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
