So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
