Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
