i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
