I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
only if we run a train.
done.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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