Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
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