I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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