You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
