He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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