He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
