I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
