I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
