Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Fuck appropriateness.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
