Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
