I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
