im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
