The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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