I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
