Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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