She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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