They should really pass out barf bags in church
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
