proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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