Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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