I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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