alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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