Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
