Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
