As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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