This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
