His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
