I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
