why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
