he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
