Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
