I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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