I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
