I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
