My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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